“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
― Sharon Salzberg
Do you stuff your feelings and emotions? I mean, I feel like we all have to in order to exist in a society to a certain extent. But why? Because we think it will make us more loveable? We believe the “fake it until you make it” idea? I am not against either of those, but I have a hard time pretending that I am feeling something that I am not. And I am attracted to the dark side.
Perhaps it was growing up in a family that identified with the classic stereotype of artist, moody and sullen. I related to the moon, not the sun. My disposition was always in disappointment, I resented the outside world wanting to make me something that I just was not.
Can you relate?
I asked my dear friend Suzanne to help me with a framework to tenderly explore our shadows. Perhaps it’s scary to you to look at all the stuff you have tried to overcome, that’s totally normal. Suzanne mixes Jungian theories with Eastern philosophy. When she talks about listening to our shadow, she is talking about looking at the things that we have deemed unlovable. Anger is one that comes up for me. My whole life, I am trying to be docile, so I pretend things don’t make me upset when they do. Another one is sad. Have you ever told yourself that, “No one likes a sad person, you need to be happy-go-lucky in order to have worth/be liked?”
I believe that there is vital, interesting information in our feelings, regardless if they are “good” or “bad.” Getting curious about how we are feeling often uncovers a hidden adaptive strategy that we developed to protect ourselves.
Suzanne walks us through what shadow work is all about and her coaching practice. Something that was really helpful for me, was her definition of what authentic is. It is about being honest with what you are feeling and taking responsibility for your reactions rather than blaming others. Knowing your needs and being able to express them through boundaries. Finally about longings. Suzanne says, “When you are able to claim what your soul most deeply longs for, whatever that looks like for you,” that is authenticity.
Suzanne is doing free 30min shadow sessions (seriously super generous of her) here. Her practice, Diving Deep Coaching finds meaning in helping other people on their paths. Suzanne has helped me for years, she wrote my first artist statement for me back in 2012. Whenever I need a little boost of clarity, I call her.
We also made this deck, if you are into decks…
As always, thanks for letting me share stuff with you. You don’t need this deck. You don’t need a coach. You are perfect just the way you are. I don’t want you to forget that. I just make these things because I need and want them.
Share this post with someone who you want to be there for, for all the emotions.
Hi Carissa.. thanks for this article and for introducing Suzanne L'Heureux.
Towards the end of the video interview I got triggered when Suzanne talks about the work with the shadow as I believe that being aware of those denied feelings are not enough.
We need to allow those feelings to move on order to heal whatever judgements are held against them. Being aware is the first step but leaving them at the mental level is not enough.
Just wanted to add this
Thanks again
Josef
Yes.. absolutely