Hi everyone, I am still super sick - so this week is going to be a quick one - 1. Some thoughts on Fake vs Real Intimacy (I feel like this newsletter should actually be titled, “unpopular” opinions by me - I have a feeling that I will perhaps rub you the wrong way with my views on what intimacy actually is)… 2. We are talking to Susan Weis-Bohlen about her book Seasonal Rituals this week. More below. And finally, 3. Toxic Positivity with Whitney Goodman. Ok, let’s jump in.
Is it even possible to fake intimacy?
I feel like in the zeitgeist at this moment, people around me have been talking about the idea of Fake (I feel like a better term for this would be “manipulative”) Intimacy. Or the idea that one person says something or shares information about themselves or the relationship to get what they want or needs to be met in the moment. A sample scenario would be talking about what your children would look like before having sex during a one-night stand… One person might feel like there is a different implied duration of the relationship, despite the actions of the relationship being reflective of a very different timeline. In this context, is it safe to wonder things like that out loud? Should we be aware that our words might be misleading the other person?
I am a person who chronically overshares. And this often elicits other people to share things. For me, it fosters a feeling of being close and connects us to our shared humanity. It makes me feel supported and less alone. This often happens with strangers. You can sure as ever hope you don’t get stuck by me on a plane. I have to make an effort to not talk to the people I am sitting next to until the last ten min of a flight.
But is over sharing Fake Intimacy? In some ways yes. Or a personality flaw? Or just a lonely person who longs to connect in the ways that they know how? Since intimacy is a feeling, can it ever be fake? If it is felt? I feel like perhaps it might be interesting to re-frame the idea that people are just a reflection of their needs and culture - and their actions are telling us something. If you have the need to manipulate someone into closeness (which I really feel can’t be that common, because I just don’t think humans are that smart… maybe I am just speaking for myself), you actually want closeness - just a different kind of closeness than perhaps your words imply. Perhaps it should be socially acceptable to say, “I just want to have sex with you this one night because I have a biological need to feel close to someone and you are close.” To do this, we can imagine our lives intertwined for different durations. In life, there are no guarantees, but we are here together and why can’t this be enough? (I say this as a person who has never had a one-night stand but wants desperately to believe that understanding core motivations might explain perhaps misalignment. That Fake Intimacy is something that I take Real comfort in).
Seasonal Self-Care Rituals with Susan Weis-Bohlen
For anyone who is longing deeply to create meaningful seasonal rituals, (ME ME ME!!!) I thought I would interview Ayurvedic practitioner Susan Weis-Bohlen on her 2020 book. As someone who knows literally nothing about Ayurvedic (the ancient Indian system of health and medicine) healing, I am interested in alternative ways of healing/being in addition to my western traditions. According to ancient texts of Ayurveda, “all diseases begin at the junction of the seasons.” I am not a doctor, but as a person who has a hard time with transitions and gets sick every time the weather changes, Susan offers some interesting insights on creating balance through each season. Susan also has a substack newsletter, if you are interested:
Her interview will be on Wednesday. We have 3 copies to send to people. Comment here if you are interested in receiving a copy:
Toxic Positivity with Whitney Goodman
OK, let’s talk about what a gift Whitney Goodman is to my sanity… Toxic Positivity values authenticity, honoring all emotions, and gives out permission to show up as you are. We live in a world that wants us to be happy ALL THE TIME. I feel the pressure. And I am just not. With wit and candor, and tons of clinical experience, Whitney Goodman makes us all feel more comfortable in our own skin.
Whitney also has a substack - she has been moving through some really interesting topics here:
We have one copy of Toxic Positivity to send to someone interested, if that is you, comment here:
OK, so I wanted to say thanks. For reading and being here with me when I am sick and can’t really think straight. For those of you who are past book winners, I am going to try to ship a BUNCH this week - so check your mailbox and thanks for being patient with me while I try to do too many things but I love doing all of them.
Hope that something helps you get through your day. Do what you can, and get a good night’s rest, Love, Carissa
Been struggling with so many ailments especially since my separation from my husband a few months ago and for some reason, it feels like the season of pain has just begun (does anyone else feel that way about winter) Would love to get a copy of Susan’s book, if it’s still available. :)
ME ME ME ME!!!! because why not, we all deserve it! :-)
seasonal self care <3