Is there such a thing as “right person, wrong time”?

Sitting with and exploring 3 more topics from you

HI. Hello. Welcome to our occasional advice column. It is more like a conversation column, advice implies that there are answers. Sometimes there are. But here, we are talking complicated stuff, murky stuff, stuff that there is no clear right or wrong, only our perception of the situation. This week, we are going to sit with the following questions/topics:

• @cautiouslyoptimautistic - is there such a thing as “right person, wrong time” when it comes to romance?

• @jesshoiching62 - can someone love me but not like me?

• @tilosaza - limerence and self-forgiveness

Let’s dig in! If there is a topic that you are really excited about, email us and we will possibly talk about it in a future newsletter.

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Is there such a thing as “right person, wrong time” when it comes to romance?

I find a lot of relief in this idea. That there is permission to let go of something that is painful or hard and accept the reality that something is not working. Unless you don’t believe in the idea of a single “right person.” Which I don’t. I think there are lots of people who will align with your values and ways that you want to live your life.

This situation implies to me that there is a certain sadness in letting go of the love and imagined possibility of a shared life. Why is the idea of star-crossed love or right person so appealing? I think it is a way to cope with the heartbreak that comes with love not always working out the way we hoped. Which is really a beautiful thing. It speaks to unmet desires and intentions that produced unfortunate results.

If I think about this a different way and change the problem to this, what is it that makes a person into someone who I want to make it through the natural challenges of life with? Someone who is right enough for the good times, and in alignment enough to soothe the hardships?

The idea of “right person, wrong time” cannot actually exist as it classically was intended. If we are talking about one person throughout our one life, and circumstances are able to pull you apart, then that person is not your person. The “right person” and the circumstances would align to bring about the desired outcome of perfect harmony.

This version is problematic for me. It seems black and white, good in concept and logic, but less so in how life actually works. It has been my experience that no relationship is without hardship. Is Josh my “right person”? No. Also, yes. He is both.