If you are new here, welcome. I talk a lot about love and expectations. For some reason, I am endlessly fascinated by human connection and this week I am going to do a marriage expectation vs reality check.
Recently, I interviewed religious historian Jennifer Michael Hecht on her book The Wonder Paradox. In it, she talks about how poetry can serve us in creating meaningful rituals in modern times. In the marriage section, she compiled a list of 6 expectations/trends from across the globe, noting that with marriage rituals that every culture asks the couple to become new people in “monumental ways.”
What do you think changes when you get married? What did you expect would change when you got married?
Here are Jennifer’s six from the book:
You have a new family.
You’ve promised to never have sex with anyone else.
Your own parents are emancipated from the care of you.
You’re expected to have children.
You’re domesticated.
You’re in it forever.
I thought I would take some time to talk about each of these global cultural expectations in the context of my current understanding of what seems to be rational to expect from married life. I would encourage you to listen to what comes up with each of them, in your mind and body. And know that the cool part about being alive at this moment is that we have more control than we ever have on defining what our values are. If something I say doesn’t sit well with you, let’s talk about it. I know we can learn from each other. Or at worst, learn more about ourselves.
You have a new family. I am assuming this one to mean that you are joined legally with a new set of people. When I googled it, the internet said that family is defined by three things: people who are related by birth, marriage or adoption. I 100% think this definition needs an update too…
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