Who and what do we love?
Giving words to complex trauma and living in uncertainty with Noreen Masud's new book, A Flat Place
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
- Mary Oliver
In her recent beautifully poetic nature memoir, Noreen Masud explores the question of who and what do we love after her father’s death. Noreen grew up with her mother and sisters basically imprisoned by her father in Lahore, Pakistan in their two-bedroom apartment. “Nothing that awful ever happened to me. I felt both lucky and desperate at the same time.” She fought the thoughts that others had it worse than her, not allowing herself to really feel the gravity of her pain, causing her mind shut down. Her memory cannot be trusted. And she could not and cannot ask questions.
When her father died, long after she, her sisters, and her mother moved back to the UK, a space opened up in her to start exploring what draws us to people, places, and things. Despite being in a new environment, her memory kept finding holes, blank spaces, and being drawn back to her time in Pakistan.
We are taught to think about trauma as one event, a before and after, but what if trauma doesn’t work that way all the time? What if there was no specific event? Yes, there are some cases where exact moments can be remembered, our memories focusing on the exception to the norm, but what happens when the normal every day is the trauma? And the reality sets in that this is just how life is. And what do we do when the light of hope has been completely blown out?
“But why do we assume that happiness is the best thing one can aspire to? Perhaps I’d rather feel real by myself than feel happy and integrated into a world that felt unreal to me.”
-Noreen Masud
Noreen doesn’t want this to be an inspirational story - one filled with the tropes of overcoming adversity due to personal strength and endurance. Noreen believes that there was nothing she did to make it out of Lahore, it was all luck. Unfortunately, it was inspirational for me. Somehow, throughout her existence, she has, despite experiencing intense situations (her father performed surgery on her grandfather on the kitchen table one day and made her assist) and imprisonment, she is still existing. Is that in itself something that should be celebrated? I would argue yes.
She defines a new goal as not happiness, but as love. Loving each other. Feeling connected to one’s past, both real and imagined. The hard part for Noreen is letting herself be seen and loved. Noreen looks to the land to feel human and accepted. Flat landscapes whisper in a subconscious language that it is okay to be your damaged, hurting self. You are home and we will love you regardless.
Part of me, having grown up in the West, is always seeking answers, never being okay with what is. Even though Noreen doesn’t want to give answers, there is, however, a happy real conclusion. She finds real love and care in friendship, to humans, a boat, the fire - for a moment, alignment of care happens, and she is really seen.
Friendship cannot be separated from reality any more than the beautiful. It is a miracle, like the beautiful. And the miracle consists simply in the fact that it exists.
-Simone Weil
Noreen Masud is a Lecturer in Twentieth-Century Literature at the University of Bristol, and an AHRC/BBC New Generation Thinker. You can buy her book here. But we also have a giveaway if you comment here:
Or read the review of A Flat Place in The New York Times.
I thought it fitting to end with some of Florence Williams's thoughts on the healing power of nature.
“We don't experience natural environments enough to realize how restored they can make us feel, nor are we aware that studies also show they make us healthier, more creative, more empathetic and more apt to engage with the world and with each other. Nature, it turns out, is good for civilization.”
-Florence Williams from The Nature Fix
Today might be a good time to fall in love with and be seen by the natural environment. I don’t think you will regret it.
Thanks so much for being here.
Love that I can share this with budding therapists. All we need is love? But getting there may take a lifetime.
My family and I were also a prisoner to my father and his rage. Although he passed, I can still feel the weight of the darkness with me wherever I go. Would love to read this book as I’m navigating the trauma to this day.