i think, for me, the best way to help someone, is just staying side by side , listening with compassion and empathy and respect the other people desiree/ wishes or whatever... just be present and fully commited <3

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May 22Liked by Carissa Potter

You describe a really complicated pickle. In the end, it is my opinion that we cannot fix or fight each other's battles. It's hard enough controlling what little we have influence over let alone checking out what everyone else is worrying about in their own lives. I am not suggesting to turn a cold shoulder to other people's problems, only to say their problems do not belong to you. They might cause your grief, distress, anger a whole range of emotions but this is not your problem to solve. I trust in your sister to decide what she things is best for her and her life.

Love Michelle

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Oh gosh. I feel this. Thank you for this conversation. If it is helpful (and given this context, it’s ok if it is also not):

- I wrote about this recently in the context of supporting people through Complicated Parenting Moments vis a vis Mother’s Day, but it was really about how I’ve learned to care for & be cared for in general.


I also just want to say that having support from our people around family-building struggles and losses, to which I can also really relate, feels extra special because that grief can be so disenfranchised and invisible. I also wrote about that, here:


Sending solidarity in the meantime.

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Like Michelle said, it's a pickle. All you (we) can do is be present. Ask what she needs (which, to me, feels awkward and somehow insincere, but others appreciate the inquiry). But, when someone is tender, there's no predicting their reactions, how they might take something, and that makes it even more stressful. All you can really do is tell her how much you love her, how much you wish you could take it all away, and how willing you are to help. Wishing you both the best outcome, and sending lots of strength. xo

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I love your substack! So fantastic.

I wonder if I could send you a copy of my new book on Parenting? (Details here: yourenotareal.com) - Drop me an email and let me know? newyorkcartoons@substack.com

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