I am reading your newsletter as a pediatric nurse who used to work in a children's hospital with very sick kids. It is not weakness that you have your partner bring your daughter to her blood draws, or that you "left her" during difficult procedures. I never, ever felt judgment for parents who stepped out of the room. In many cases, setting this boundary allowed them to conserve emotional bandwidth that enabled them to be present in different moments for their child. In addition, although I resist over-generalizing when it comes to gender, I think male partners (whether by nature or nurture) are better at compartmentalizing and reminding themselves that the pain their child is experiencing is necessary (for whatever reason). But I would not conflate this skill with "strength." You ARE strong. <3
I've been in a relationship for a year and 8 months. I'm 25, it was my first relationship ever. From the start he had a lot of trauma, pain and wounds from his past and I didn't know at the time how to take care of him while also taking care of me, I chose to care for him, and for 90% of the time the relationship has been about him and his pain and me dealing with it and helping him, even though he's caused me a lot of pain too.
It feels exhausting, knowing someone you love that much is in pain, suffering and there seems to be almost nothing that I can do to fix it, it has depressed me, and it makes me feel not enough.
And of course there's my own pain that needs to be dealt with but it's just growing inside me.
I got here because I follow you on Instagram and that last drawing you made just spoke to me, I'm not able to carry any more pain while I should be carrying mine.
I'm not familiar with your story, I just hope you, your husband and M don't have to go through all those doctor appointments for that long, I hope M gets well soon, and I hope you find peace in the process, even when the tick of time seems haunting sometimes.
I am reading your newsletter as a pediatric nurse who used to work in a children's hospital with very sick kids. It is not weakness that you have your partner bring your daughter to her blood draws, or that you "left her" during difficult procedures. I never, ever felt judgment for parents who stepped out of the room. In many cases, setting this boundary allowed them to conserve emotional bandwidth that enabled them to be present in different moments for their child. In addition, although I resist over-generalizing when it comes to gender, I think male partners (whether by nature or nurture) are better at compartmentalizing and reminding themselves that the pain their child is experiencing is necessary (for whatever reason). But I would not conflate this skill with "strength." You ARE strong. <3
I've been in a relationship for a year and 8 months. I'm 25, it was my first relationship ever. From the start he had a lot of trauma, pain and wounds from his past and I didn't know at the time how to take care of him while also taking care of me, I chose to care for him, and for 90% of the time the relationship has been about him and his pain and me dealing with it and helping him, even though he's caused me a lot of pain too.
It feels exhausting, knowing someone you love that much is in pain, suffering and there seems to be almost nothing that I can do to fix it, it has depressed me, and it makes me feel not enough.
And of course there's my own pain that needs to be dealt with but it's just growing inside me.
I got here because I follow you on Instagram and that last drawing you made just spoke to me, I'm not able to carry any more pain while I should be carrying mine.
I'm not familiar with your story, I just hope you, your husband and M don't have to go through all those doctor appointments for that long, I hope M gets well soon, and I hope you find peace in the process, even when the tick of time seems haunting sometimes.
Thanks for writing this, btw.
Hugs from Mexico :)))