I don't like being called out
Thoughts on call-out culture, call-in culture, and how we judge others
I have been called out. I think. I mean, I think people have called my attention towards things that I have done that might be shitty. Yes. For sure. I, however, being conditioned to act as a female in the midwestern United States, don’t like calling people out to their faces. But I have witnessed the calling out of others behind closed doors all my life. Call it gossip, call it shit-talking, call it venting, dumping, or my current term: “processing.”
Most people like to say that they would tell anyone anything to their face. That talking about someone behind their back is not a socially acceptable way to work through issues. I am not arguing it is or is not. Interestingly, it is something that women have done throughout time. And that processing feelings that we may have before we talk about them or decide not to do anything seems like a pretty good resource to access when you are having strong feelings. Hence the popularity and effectiveness of talk therapy.
The trouble comes when other people get hurt, or you have a desired outcome in mind that you would like to see in reality. Or the reciprocity, when thinking that somehow calling or canceling someone else implicitly means that you have never made a mistake. I am not talking about giant massive cultural shifts that need to happen like the Black Lives Matter and #MeToo movements. That people should just hurt others and get to keep doing it because they are not being called out. I am not here to suggest I know the answer to those massive problems, to all the pain and suffering of the world.
All I am noting here is that I don’t like to be called out and I don’t like to call other people out. If it were up to me, I would only ever share good news. I do, however, like repair. I like acknowledgment. I do like connection. I do like feeling understood and cared for.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to BAD AT KEEPING SECRETS to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.