I am not deep thinking yet this year, still climbing out of the holiday circus (joyful! but a circus none the less). But this resonated so deeply with me I have to capture it here. Yes--every version of this is my dream and also my reality:
"It could never happen, but I would like to be alone and also with my family. It would be in the garden, I would have help, and there would be a project, but at the same time, I could endlessly tinker with different things, just following my attention to different growing forms. To create a space for them to flourish. I would like my daughter to be there, and perhaps this is horrible to say, but if she could not be undoing everything I do that would be great. Or that I could follow her lead and change my understanding of what plants want/need to her visions. Picture a garden of control in contrast with a 4-year-old picking all the flowers, jumping on freshly planted seedlings, or straight up throwing rocks at my head. If only I could let go of control, and catch her rocks, or reframe her flower picking as a form of pruning that the plants are in desperate need of. If I could change my thoughts, perhaps this could be a reality."
“...scarcity and anxiety to that of abundance.” Same here. I want to ask what’s this rotted in for you. Childhood? Worthiness? Imposter syndrome? This is something I’m dealing with too.
I am not deep thinking yet this year, still climbing out of the holiday circus (joyful! but a circus none the less). But this resonated so deeply with me I have to capture it here. Yes--every version of this is my dream and also my reality:
"It could never happen, but I would like to be alone and also with my family. It would be in the garden, I would have help, and there would be a project, but at the same time, I could endlessly tinker with different things, just following my attention to different growing forms. To create a space for them to flourish. I would like my daughter to be there, and perhaps this is horrible to say, but if she could not be undoing everything I do that would be great. Or that I could follow her lead and change my understanding of what plants want/need to her visions. Picture a garden of control in contrast with a 4-year-old picking all the flowers, jumping on freshly planted seedlings, or straight up throwing rocks at my head. If only I could let go of control, and catch her rocks, or reframe her flower picking as a form of pruning that the plants are in desperate need of. If I could change my thoughts, perhaps this could be a reality."
I love everything you do
“...scarcity and anxiety to that of abundance.” Same here. I want to ask what’s this rotted in for you. Childhood? Worthiness? Imposter syndrome? This is something I’m dealing with too.
Loved reading this. Thank You