Carissa, I long for this, too. So much. Even though things are “back to normal” with seeing people in person and gathering in public spaces after COVID,- they are also NOT. It’s like our friendship & community-creating relationship neurons atrophied and now aren’t re-growing. Almost everyone I know both feels lonely, yet struggles to find the energy and will to reach out and make dates to speak and gather… everyone seems to be in a kind of survival state, where they can just keep themselves and their dependents alive, and do their job and then collapse infront of a screen! They are in need of support and connection but lack the energy to seek and create it! Coincidentally, a couple of days ago I reconnected (online!) with a lovely woman and friend I met at a Byron Katie workshop years ago - She was sharing that she was struggling with the same and has created an intentional community circle so-called “women who have your back” within her community. She also created a template for other women to create their own. I believe the site is simply womenwhohaveyour back.com - it’s quite a beautiful website and series of templates and guiding principles -nothing like not having to reinvent the wheel when you are already struggling for energy! I’m going to try and create one in my community! I’m looking forward to reading about what others are doing- love this aspect of crowd sourcing! Love your writing, too- your raw vulnerability and courage and heart and humour🙏❤️
I have been struggling to understand what community meant for me and how I would go about creating that, so this piece has been very insightful and comforting. I have lots to think about.. Thank you 🩷
i’ve been thinking a lot about choices as a concept as well as a practice recently, and being ‘on the hook’ might just become a new mantra for me 🪝 thank you for sharing so artfully x
Oh man, I feel the same way. My whole adult life I took friendship for granted and longed for a partner. Now I have a partner who is amazing, but I long for my friends in a way I never had to before, because I was always surrounded by them. I want to put them first, or close, but it's so hard. When my friends pull away I feel like I can't do anything but look for other people who don't want to pull away.
Do u feel, and I don’t mean to put u on the spot or anything, that there is something about our lives that is particularly parallel? Like connected? Cuz when I read your work I get goosebumps.
Aw, I feel the same way. For sure!! I think we're both artists exploring motherhood and connection! I appreciate you talking about friendship struggles so openly. I haven't written about it or anything because I don't want to make any of my friends like, feel weird, but it's so heavy on my mind <3 My friend Ashley came up with this idea of friend marriage which kind of does what you're hoping to do, as far as making a commitment and being clear and communicating. We did a little ceremony and it was so sweet. And I totally feel like she shows up for me.
Do you have the ceremony? I mean, I am sure I make people feel weird... Like all the time. I just assume that people wont take it personal - or if they do, talk to me about it. I want to know more about this friendship ceremony - maybe I should do it with my sister...
The secret is—I don’t think some of us EVER feel as if we’re not failing or disappointing everyone. Just do the best you can (my guess is it’s pretty damn good) and let everyone else, everything else just sort itself out. ❤️ great newsletter! I resonated with a lot in here.
Carissa, I long for this, too. So much. Even though things are “back to normal” with seeing people in person and gathering in public spaces after COVID,- they are also NOT. It’s like our friendship & community-creating relationship neurons atrophied and now aren’t re-growing. Almost everyone I know both feels lonely, yet struggles to find the energy and will to reach out and make dates to speak and gather… everyone seems to be in a kind of survival state, where they can just keep themselves and their dependents alive, and do their job and then collapse infront of a screen! They are in need of support and connection but lack the energy to seek and create it! Coincidentally, a couple of days ago I reconnected (online!) with a lovely woman and friend I met at a Byron Katie workshop years ago - She was sharing that she was struggling with the same and has created an intentional community circle so-called “women who have your back” within her community. She also created a template for other women to create their own. I believe the site is simply womenwhohaveyour back.com - it’s quite a beautiful website and series of templates and guiding principles -nothing like not having to reinvent the wheel when you are already struggling for energy! I’m going to try and create one in my community! I’m looking forward to reading about what others are doing- love this aspect of crowd sourcing! Love your writing, too- your raw vulnerability and courage and heart and humour🙏❤️
~Rosemary, Victoria, BC, Canada
I found this on the website - A WWHYB community is a group of women committed to showing up for each other in real and meaningful ways, such as:
•arriving within minutes to help with a dead battery or a twisted ankle
•driving each other to the airport
•celebrating one another on birthdays
•going in on Costco hauls and sharing garden bounty
•helping to flip each other’s mattresses
•bringing soup or medicine when a member is sick
•witnessing legal documents
•sharing tools and recommendations
•being a personal reference
•being a designated driver on a night out
•vetting potential dates
•tracking each other on dates and solo travels
•taking hikes together
•sharing meals
•bringing in packages, watering plants, and checking on pets
•being emergency contacts
•caring for each other through broken bones or broken hearts
•and anything else you can think of….just ask, and members respond with help.
PRETTY AMAZING!!!
I have been struggling to understand what community meant for me and how I would go about creating that, so this piece has been very insightful and comforting. I have lots to think about.. Thank you 🩷
How will you do it? please share? I am seriously thinking about the logistics... I want someone to tell me how to make it happen.
i’ve been thinking a lot about choices as a concept as well as a practice recently, and being ‘on the hook’ might just become a new mantra for me 🪝 thank you for sharing so artfully x
Will you say more about choices as a concept? and practice?
Oh man, I feel the same way. My whole adult life I took friendship for granted and longed for a partner. Now I have a partner who is amazing, but I long for my friends in a way I never had to before, because I was always surrounded by them. I want to put them first, or close, but it's so hard. When my friends pull away I feel like I can't do anything but look for other people who don't want to pull away.
Do u feel, and I don’t mean to put u on the spot or anything, that there is something about our lives that is particularly parallel? Like connected? Cuz when I read your work I get goosebumps.
Aw, I feel the same way. For sure!! I think we're both artists exploring motherhood and connection! I appreciate you talking about friendship struggles so openly. I haven't written about it or anything because I don't want to make any of my friends like, feel weird, but it's so heavy on my mind <3 My friend Ashley came up with this idea of friend marriage which kind of does what you're hoping to do, as far as making a commitment and being clear and communicating. We did a little ceremony and it was so sweet. And I totally feel like she shows up for me.
Do you have the ceremony? I mean, I am sure I make people feel weird... Like all the time. I just assume that people wont take it personal - or if they do, talk to me about it. I want to know more about this friendship ceremony - maybe I should do it with my sister...
slowly slowly! I hope we will have enough. Times are very uncertain with Trump, etc.
The secret is—I don’t think some of us EVER feel as if we’re not failing or disappointing everyone. Just do the best you can (my guess is it’s pretty damn good) and let everyone else, everything else just sort itself out. ❤️ great newsletter! I resonated with a lot in here.
How do you know who to let down??
Oh that photo in the bathroom!!! Gorgeous. Joyful. Beautiful newsletter. Sarah is lucky to have you!
DID you get enough folks for Iceland? I am going to come once my kid is more able... I don't know when that will happen.
The sign up deadline is July 21 if you know anyone! https://susanweisbohlen.com/retreats
Thank you for this, Carissa!
Lissa! OMG. I am so honored that you read my newsletter. wow.
I appreciate it every single time. Thank you for such meaningful and beautiful writing!
I found you too.