I think the concept of universal emotion plays into the conundrum you closed with. Sometimes people are shitty to us. They intended the behavior to cause distress. In that case, it's normal and healthy to feel angry. Our choice of how to act will depend on the relationship we have with the person who acted shitty.
On the other hand, occasionally, but not infrequently, someone will do something that makes us feel angry. But it's entirely possible that their words and or behavior sprang from an innocent motivation. And that's due to a difference in upbringing. Being raised differently is not a reason to act on anger. That anger will be on us. Unfortunately, the theory of universal emotion does not recognize the difference in the emotion of the other person, who may feel completely differently about the interaction.
In the second case, where we don't have tight empathy because our underlying feelings don't match, our actions will likely be deliberate and inappropriate.
The conundrum remains, how do we act in the face of another's behavior? The point that anger doesn't belong in the shadow holds. We need to feel each anger and understand it emotionally.
Despite our anger, which might or might not be justified, it serves us best to be deliberate about our follow-up actions.
The idea that we all have the same feeling and it comes from the same place for each named emotion and that we each express that feeling with the same facial movements, breathing, posture, and voice tone is flawed. Even with people I know well, I'm surprised. Sometimes, it takes years for a friend to admit they don't like something I do. I have the same problem. I don't always express what bothers me. I don't know if that's always bad, but it is something to be mindful of.
love it! I just had a weird dream last night and when I pulled out my dream book it brought me to a section on the shadow. Very synchronistic, which feels normal for your posts :)
I think the concept of universal emotion plays into the conundrum you closed with. Sometimes people are shitty to us. They intended the behavior to cause distress. In that case, it's normal and healthy to feel angry. Our choice of how to act will depend on the relationship we have with the person who acted shitty.
On the other hand, occasionally, but not infrequently, someone will do something that makes us feel angry. But it's entirely possible that their words and or behavior sprang from an innocent motivation. And that's due to a difference in upbringing. Being raised differently is not a reason to act on anger. That anger will be on us. Unfortunately, the theory of universal emotion does not recognize the difference in the emotion of the other person, who may feel completely differently about the interaction.
In the second case, where we don't have tight empathy because our underlying feelings don't match, our actions will likely be deliberate and inappropriate.
The conundrum remains, how do we act in the face of another's behavior? The point that anger doesn't belong in the shadow holds. We need to feel each anger and understand it emotionally.
Despite our anger, which might or might not be justified, it serves us best to be deliberate about our follow-up actions.
The idea that we all have the same feeling and it comes from the same place for each named emotion and that we each express that feeling with the same facial movements, breathing, posture, and voice tone is flawed. Even with people I know well, I'm surprised. Sometimes, it takes years for a friend to admit they don't like something I do. I have the same problem. I don't always express what bothers me. I don't know if that's always bad, but it is something to be mindful of.
So beautiful work, Letting your shadow in, A Mindfulness Deck 💗
love it! I just had a weird dream last night and when I pulled out my dream book it brought me to a section on the shadow. Very synchronistic, which feels normal for your posts :)