When I first read this, I got through the first paragraph, immediately realized I should have stepped away from the computer an hour earlier for a sanity-inducing "micro walk" I had scheduled - went out, walked up a couple of hills, and then just sat in the sunshine with my tea at a nearby park for ten minutes before walking back. Watched the ants do some stuff. Looked at the clouds. So thank you for the timely reminder.
Ugh, my ego and its attachment to getting things done. We are mostly friends at this point (me and my ego) but this has definitely been a tough area to negotiate. Especially after motherhood - don't get me started.
So, truly, applause to you for making that walk happen!
And honestly my answer to the poll would be "all of the above." Ha
Being in SF, I know all too well those school lottery concerns. Oy vey. I absolutely agree that you should go with your gut and your wisdom about your child and their needs. And your needs too.
For kindergarten, we got my daughter into an incredibly desirable public elementary school...which then turned out to be a disaster, so for first grade we transferred her and she got placed at a far less popular elementary that was our fourth choice...but luckily it got great (new leadership) while we were there - yay - but then it fed into a middle school that was challenged and post covid completely fell apart (well covered in the press, even)...and then we got lucky and got a transfer for her to a normal middle school which, by comparison, seemed amazing.
So I felt amazed and grateful when this year she got a spot at the high school she (and we) had as a first choice, and she started there this fall and it's not a disaster, so - sweet victory is mine.
Wherever you are aiming for, I wish you all the best with it!
OH my. Thanks for sharing about your Sanity MIcro walk! I need to do that too! I have been thinking about your school situation. I mean, that sounds like a whole lot of unexpected twists and turns with unknown outcomes. I felt really supporting when you told me that there were things that you got lucky on that were also unlucky and that the wish for whatever you are aiming for, I wish you the best with it. I think we are all aiming for easeful life. I think. For ourselves and the people we love. I am wishing you more sweet victories. And for us all for things to not always have to be so gosh darn hard. We are thinking about moving to SF, so this is really helpful info.
Ah...well, I'm sure you already know lots of folks here, but if you ever want more info about the SF schools, feel free to give me a holler any time!
Our experience was pretty funny in retrospect - a bit like that Chinese parable about the farmer who lost his horse, where sometimes what seems unlucky turns out to be lucky (and vice versa).
And I wish you lots of sweet victories right back! We can all use more of those right about now.
I am tight on time being the sounding board for a report being crafted by the founder of a niche yoga school which is celebrating its 10th anniversary.
Why this explanation? Well it is your topic of clusterfuck and I too am duffering it!
TOTAL clusterfuck and everything feels life or death. Thanks for letting us know where you are at and the supportive words! Good luck on the yoga board! You got this!
"The 'you only have one life' mentality is meant to help us prioritize, but instead, it pressurizes our time." Such a refreshing read! Reading this was like staring into a mirror.
I’ve always been so bad at letting go! As obvious as it may sound, in these moments I’ll ask myself: what exactly am I holding onto? Sometimes that helps 🙈
I really needed to hear this today. Thank you. And I will need to read that book because some balls are rubber and some are glass is BRILLIANT!
We chose to just go with the neighborhood school (especially after listening/reading to both incredible resources you mentioned) and we've loved the joy of walking them there and back, of seeing school signs in our neighborhood, and less to juggle with a shorter commute.
Marc Manson said “Happiness requires struggle. It grows from problems. Joy doesn’t just sprout out of the ground like daisies and rainbows. Real, serious, lifelong fulfillment and meaning have to be earned through the choosing and managing of our struggles.”
Having lived a lifelong battle with struggles, I would argue it is not always about managing, but accepting.
It's easy to complain about things, to wallow in the ”woe is me.”
Its hard to knuckle down, do the work and choose contentment. To find silver life nings is not especially complicated, but it isn’t easy.
The walk. The pharmacy detour. The school lottery shame. The glass vs. rubber balls. All of it felt like you cracked open the collective nervous system and let it spill in the gentlest way possible.
I’m constantly at war with my calendar—pretending it’s a reflection of ambition when really it’s a mask for fear. Fear of being forgotten. Of being ordinary. Of not mattering. Your line—“Slowing down would mean missing something. But this constant motion comes at a cost: not enjoying my one, precious life”—was a gut punch. And also the reminder I needed.
This week I’m dropping the ball called “trying to be everywhere at once.” I want to walk. To listen. To let a kumquat be enough.
Thank you for writing like this. It makes the world feel less like a machine, and more like a shared breath.
When I first read this, I got through the first paragraph, immediately realized I should have stepped away from the computer an hour earlier for a sanity-inducing "micro walk" I had scheduled - went out, walked up a couple of hills, and then just sat in the sunshine with my tea at a nearby park for ten minutes before walking back. Watched the ants do some stuff. Looked at the clouds. So thank you for the timely reminder.
Ugh, my ego and its attachment to getting things done. We are mostly friends at this point (me and my ego) but this has definitely been a tough area to negotiate. Especially after motherhood - don't get me started.
So, truly, applause to you for making that walk happen!
And honestly my answer to the poll would be "all of the above." Ha
Being in SF, I know all too well those school lottery concerns. Oy vey. I absolutely agree that you should go with your gut and your wisdom about your child and their needs. And your needs too.
For kindergarten, we got my daughter into an incredibly desirable public elementary school...which then turned out to be a disaster, so for first grade we transferred her and she got placed at a far less popular elementary that was our fourth choice...but luckily it got great (new leadership) while we were there - yay - but then it fed into a middle school that was challenged and post covid completely fell apart (well covered in the press, even)...and then we got lucky and got a transfer for her to a normal middle school which, by comparison, seemed amazing.
So I felt amazed and grateful when this year she got a spot at the high school she (and we) had as a first choice, and she started there this fall and it's not a disaster, so - sweet victory is mine.
Wherever you are aiming for, I wish you all the best with it!
OH my. Thanks for sharing about your Sanity MIcro walk! I need to do that too! I have been thinking about your school situation. I mean, that sounds like a whole lot of unexpected twists and turns with unknown outcomes. I felt really supporting when you told me that there were things that you got lucky on that were also unlucky and that the wish for whatever you are aiming for, I wish you the best with it. I think we are all aiming for easeful life. I think. For ourselves and the people we love. I am wishing you more sweet victories. And for us all for things to not always have to be so gosh darn hard. We are thinking about moving to SF, so this is really helpful info.
Ah...well, I'm sure you already know lots of folks here, but if you ever want more info about the SF schools, feel free to give me a holler any time!
Our experience was pretty funny in retrospect - a bit like that Chinese parable about the farmer who lost his horse, where sometimes what seems unlucky turns out to be lucky (and vice versa).
And I wish you lots of sweet victories right back! We can all use more of those right about now.
Carissa, tussi great ho ji. In Punjabi :-)
Brilliant insight and share.
I wanna join the commentary but alas!
I am tight on time being the sounding board for a report being crafted by the founder of a niche yoga school which is celebrating its 10th anniversary.
Why this explanation? Well it is your topic of clusterfuck and I too am duffering it!
Ha ha ha. Keep it coming lady.
Love it!
TOTAL clusterfuck and everything feels life or death. Thanks for letting us know where you are at and the supportive words! Good luck on the yoga board! You got this!
Clusterfuck...the word of the month for sure:-))
"The 'you only have one life' mentality is meant to help us prioritize, but instead, it pressurizes our time." Such a refreshing read! Reading this was like staring into a mirror.
Thanks Ella! How did we all get here? I mean, I don't know how to let go... I really appreciate your taking time to comment :)
I’ve always been so bad at letting go! As obvious as it may sound, in these moments I’ll ask myself: what exactly am I holding onto? Sometimes that helps 🙈
OK. I will try that. I just have this really strong fear of loosing what I love. I am holding on... Thanks Ella!
I really needed to hear this today. Thank you. And I will need to read that book because some balls are rubber and some are glass is BRILLIANT!
We chose to just go with the neighborhood school (especially after listening/reading to both incredible resources you mentioned) and we've loved the joy of walking them there and back, of seeing school signs in our neighborhood, and less to juggle with a shorter commute.
Where are you at? I am so curious about your experience!
I don’t really know how to respond?
Nine years dealing with a terminally ill child.
Twenty three years of dealing with severe autism.
Raising five other children, all with different interests and needs.
Unemployment.
Working a thousand miles away from my family. Starting two businesses…
It seems like we could be in a constant state of crisis or overwhelmed all the time.
I guess I just choose not to?
I have no idea. But I can say you are holding a lot. And I am not sure what I would let go of if I was you. That sounds unbelievably hard.
There are things you put down.
Not my children.
Not my wife.
Everything else I put down each morning.
My blood pressure is much lower since I started doing that.
I forget every once in a while.
It’s difficult to explain.
I like the idea of putting down too. It is less dramatic than dropping things. And it implies that you can pick them back up.
Most things will still be there the next day.
You can always decide what you need and what you don’t after thinking critically about it…
But life is too short to be overwhelmed all the time.
We def both agree on that point! I am trying to learn how :)
Marc Manson said “Happiness requires struggle. It grows from problems. Joy doesn’t just sprout out of the ground like daisies and rainbows. Real, serious, lifelong fulfillment and meaning have to be earned through the choosing and managing of our struggles.”
Having lived a lifelong battle with struggles, I would argue it is not always about managing, but accepting.
It's easy to complain about things, to wallow in the ”woe is me.”
Its hard to knuckle down, do the work and choose contentment. To find silver life nings is not especially complicated, but it isn’t easy.
Carissa, this one landed in my bones.
The walk. The pharmacy detour. The school lottery shame. The glass vs. rubber balls. All of it felt like you cracked open the collective nervous system and let it spill in the gentlest way possible.
I’m constantly at war with my calendar—pretending it’s a reflection of ambition when really it’s a mask for fear. Fear of being forgotten. Of being ordinary. Of not mattering. Your line—“Slowing down would mean missing something. But this constant motion comes at a cost: not enjoying my one, precious life”—was a gut punch. And also the reminder I needed.
This week I’m dropping the ball called “trying to be everywhere at once.” I want to walk. To listen. To let a kumquat be enough.
Thank you for writing like this. It makes the world feel less like a machine, and more like a shared breath.
– Anton
I loved reading this. Your words are always so real and refreshing <3