When Letting Go Is Hard.

Wanting more than someone can give & disappointing others without fear

I know I quoted Aylet Fishbach last week, but I am going to do it again. In her book, Get It Done, she talks about how we actually learn more from others’ “failures” than we are able to learn from our own shortcomings. The theory behind this is that we are so close to our own, that our biases get in the way of actually being objective about the situation. I am not saying that asking for advice is a form of failure (tho now that I am reading this it seems that way) but more so linking the concept of having a hard time and learning from others’ experiences.

This week, it is such a privilege to talk about some things that are going on in your lives. We did a poll on Instagram asking if you need help with anything right now, and I am going to talk about three that caught my attention, probably because I am going through something similar right now:

1. allianamail: “I know they aren’t good for me but I don’t want to completely let go. I know I should, but I can’t.”

2. nathan.homewood: “Being ok with just being friends when you want more”

3. lyndonstreetfarm: “disappointing others and letting them have the space to deal with it without fear”

allianamail: “I know they aren’t good for me but I don’t want to completely let go. I know I should, but I can’t.”

Stating the obvious before I start: these are just my reflections on the topics. I have zero answers. It is a pill to swallow that life is not always neat and clean and curable. The human condition feels so messy. This reminds me of Pauline Boss’ quote from her book The Myth of Closure: “While simplistic declarations of closure are comforting for bystanders, they are hurtful for the bereaved,” Boss writes. “If we have loved, we will want to remember.”

This person is being pulled by love in many directions: Love for the past and the person. Love for themselves and the future. Letting go is hard for so many reasons, for me, it is a lot about fear. I don’t like to admit it. Fear of uncertainty. The pressure to make the “right decision” even when I know there is none. I forget that humans are resilient and every decision feels like life or death. Letting go also means disappointing others in a culture that teaches us to please others above ourselves at all costs.