I've ended friendships with four long-term, close friends since the US election. Their votes told me we don't value the same fundamental things. I still grieve them, I still feel furious with them and want to make them feel that anger, but I don't reach out because it's kinder to both of us to just try to let it go.
I am here for this. Especially your illustration of your thought bubbles. I’m constantly swimming in those exact words in your thought bubble illustration. I get it. I am always the one “disappointing” people. It’s all my silent auto immune stuff. I may look okay kind of on the outside but it’s a mismatch of how my body hurts 24/7. I let nearly everyone in my life leave me after they were done yelling at me for canceling plans or that I’m “ not feeling good”. I have no energy to argue and I get where they are coming from. It’s lonely being silently sick and being de friended over and over and for me to have to do the same. I’m just trying to find peace. And peace to me may be Lonely and quiet but it’s what my body needs. Trauma work. I think the de friending thing really is all about the trauma. Sending big love to you for raising up this important discussion.
I have had to separate from a long time friend who seems to have lost his way and unhealthily coping, in part with too much alcohol. I have tried to help, been clear that he needs more professional help, had more than one “intervention”, dealt with very toxic behavior, and talked to his family that they need to help him get help. All this while going through horrific loss and tragedy of my own. This is not the person I became friends with and if he is not willing to put in any effort to get better, I can’t sit here—it’s enabling and unfair to my own boundaries. Sometimes enough is enough. This is not what you’re talking about but it is definitely not “middle school”. The friend group has matured and this person is still acting like a middle or high schooler :/
With a broken heart, a 10 year friendship ended over the mistreatment of the Gazans. This happened year ago and I still mourn the loss. With only a handful of true friends, I value each one
Reading this made me remember the only time I've been frontal about de-friending someone. This ex-friend was the kind of person who would always say they miss me and want to meet, so we would make plans only for him to cancel the same day. We are all adults and we are all busy, so I understand something can come up, but when it happens too often it's tiring. So one day he told me he missed me because we weren't even texting each other and I told him I was tired of this, that his behavior made me feel unimportant and that I didn't care anymore, so that we shouldn't be friends anymore, he understood and time passed only for me to realize that I was right, because common friends started to take distance from him for the same reason.
I've ended friendships with four long-term, close friends since the US election. Their votes told me we don't value the same fundamental things. I still grieve them, I still feel furious with them and want to make them feel that anger, but I don't reach out because it's kinder to both of us to just try to let it go.
I am here for this. Especially your illustration of your thought bubbles. I’m constantly swimming in those exact words in your thought bubble illustration. I get it. I am always the one “disappointing” people. It’s all my silent auto immune stuff. I may look okay kind of on the outside but it’s a mismatch of how my body hurts 24/7. I let nearly everyone in my life leave me after they were done yelling at me for canceling plans or that I’m “ not feeling good”. I have no energy to argue and I get where they are coming from. It’s lonely being silently sick and being de friended over and over and for me to have to do the same. I’m just trying to find peace. And peace to me may be Lonely and quiet but it’s what my body needs. Trauma work. I think the de friending thing really is all about the trauma. Sending big love to you for raising up this important discussion.
I have had to separate from a long time friend who seems to have lost his way and unhealthily coping, in part with too much alcohol. I have tried to help, been clear that he needs more professional help, had more than one “intervention”, dealt with very toxic behavior, and talked to his family that they need to help him get help. All this while going through horrific loss and tragedy of my own. This is not the person I became friends with and if he is not willing to put in any effort to get better, I can’t sit here—it’s enabling and unfair to my own boundaries. Sometimes enough is enough. This is not what you’re talking about but it is definitely not “middle school”. The friend group has matured and this person is still acting like a middle or high schooler :/
With a broken heart, a 10 year friendship ended over the mistreatment of the Gazans. This happened year ago and I still mourn the loss. With only a handful of true friends, I value each one
Reading this made me remember the only time I've been frontal about de-friending someone. This ex-friend was the kind of person who would always say they miss me and want to meet, so we would make plans only for him to cancel the same day. We are all adults and we are all busy, so I understand something can come up, but when it happens too often it's tiring. So one day he told me he missed me because we weren't even texting each other and I told him I was tired of this, that his behavior made me feel unimportant and that I didn't care anymore, so that we shouldn't be friends anymore, he understood and time passed only for me to realize that I was right, because common friends started to take distance from him for the same reason.