Manifesting Good Things.

Is this even possible?

For years now, my sister has been really into manifesting. Me, not so much. She would call me and tell me that great things were coming. That she had the power to make them happen. I want good things. I want to believe in the magic of making what I want happen. But it’s hard. Until now…

Who here is into Manifesting or the Law of Attraction?

The word Manifestation means to dream up something or to envision a future, or something you want and turn it into a reality. I took a poll on IG about it and the things that people wanted overlapped. They were mainly about getting a raise, or good grades, or finding love. If you thought about what your life was lacking right now, what would it be? Seriously asking. It might even happen if you share it.

With my sister, I actually believe her. I think she can do anything. And I am excited to get to watch her do it. But why am I dubious of it? What is it about manifesting that is so off-putting to me? I desperately want to believe that we can make good things happen with intention and work and define them.

To make sure we are on the same page, from what I can tell, the ways people manifest vary slightly, but they all start out with the idea that we have to be clear about what we want. At the same time, this should be kinda vague. Like you can’t say I want a tall dark handsome millionaire to fall in love with me and want to support my artistic yet expensive lifestyle. But you can say something like, I want a life filled with love.

When M was diagnosed with CF, I prayed and manifested. I was really clear on what I wanted. I wanted a healthy child. But for me, the definition in my mind of a healthy child was one that did not have CF. One that could live a long rich life. With a naive delusional mind, I woke up every day and went to bed every day asking for this. For this to have been a mistake, diagnostically. But test after test confirmed my reality.

As a person who grew up in the ‘90’s (I am not sure other generations felt this), I felt an intense pressure to be positive. The goal in life was to be good and to be good you had to be positive. Say only nice things. It is better to say nothing at all if you have a critical thought. Throughout my childhood, being naturally attracted to sweet melancholy, I blamed my sadness and unpopularity on just not being positive enough.

My sister, on the other hand, had come out bubbly and perfect and her appearance was that of the ideals of our culture. She got things. People are drawn to her. If I wanted people to like me, I just needed to be more like her, more optimistic, more hopeful. I also needed to be beautiful.

I tried. But it always felt forced. And a core value of mine is authenticity. I like for people to show up how they are. This sucks for the law of attraction. When people are in a shitty mood, they should attract kindness, not more shit. The law of attraction is that it should attract what you need not what you are omitting. But no one asked me. It has been a steep learning curve to break the cycles of attraction. For example, even with my partner, my natural inclination when I think he is upset is to get upset back at him. To reflect what I think he is feeling. This does not turn out well for anyone.

Manifesting is problematic for me in the context of biology and sociology. It seems like the laws of attraction and manifesting would favor people already at an advantage. The concepts run parallel to that of individualism. They are so close to the idea that if one just works hard enough, their dreams will come true. A very seductive idea. With the right lens, my life could fall under this category. If you chose to focus on my poor Minnesotan roots. But if you flip it, I had two parents who loved me. My grandparents were extremely educated, and we lived in a wealthy suburb with a Starbucks, Subway, and Taco Bell in my high school. I am also white. The USA is also for people like me “the land of opportunity.”

But it did work out for me in the sense that I have been able to work for myself for the past 13 years. If that was or is your goal. I wouldn’t say that I had anything to do with it, just that I got lucky. I didn’t manifest it. I was just in the right place at the right time.

Additionally, when I think about manifesting there is a manipulative undertone. Or a byproduct of manifesting something good, like for example a good grade, there is also someone who has to get a bad grade. Or if you are manifesting love, love looks like a destination and not a choice or commitment. The option to leave for me is integral to the concept of love. Like letting go when you really love someone.

But I am trying to push myself to get into it. To try out manifesting more seriously, because I think that it is working. For me. With my daughter. Context is everything.

My mother keeps saying that M is strong. I balk at this because in my mind, if I admit she is strong we won’t be ready for when she needs us. There have been too many times that I have assumed that she was strong and we paid for it with hospital time. Or permanent damage to her lungs. When I go back to when she was diagnosed, the frame of reference that I had for hoping that she would be okay was equivalent to her not having Cystic Fibrosis.

She still has Cystic Fibrosis. But after 4 years, she is strong. We are super consistent with her medical regimen. We are so lucky to have health insurance. I am starting to let myself believe, like really believe that she is going to be ok. Through the envisioning of her health, the daily grind, years later shows that actually manifesting her health has worked. Was I wrong to not believe it was possible?

I am very curious to hear what you think. If it feels helpful, try out some of these things. I am going to try to live as if M is going to have a rich long life. That this planet is going to survive our destruction. That there is enough for us all to have joyous moments. That the life of my dreams is already mine.